It’s good to be reminded from time to time of how far you’ve come in your personal journey. It helps you to recognize how much strength and courage you really do have, and thus gives you more to keep going. I just had this reminder recently, and would like to share it with you in the hopes that it will inspire you or that you may feel the need to pass it on to others who could use some inspiration and hope.
This is a story about my evolution. I once was insecure and often looked to others – especially those men I was in a relationship with – to affirm my value. I was dependent on others to help me know myself. I took everything they did personally and I believed their behaviors were a reflection of me. So I married the person who was the perfect teacher for me. One who would help me break this pattern and learn to find out who I really was – an alcoholic and an emotional abuser. My marriage was tough, there were many times I was so low because everything he did and said just confirmed my unworthiness and lack of value.
After some years, I became determined to receive positive responses instead of the negative ones from my husband. Feeling the need to have him affirm my value and worth, I believed that if I looked better, he would be happier with me and therefore nice to me. So I began to exercise and care for my body better than I had been. What started to happen was that I felt really good about how I looked and I gained some self-confidence. I started not to care what my husband thought or how he behaved towards me. But I did notice more and more just how he was treating himself and just how toxic living with him was. Eventually, he became meaningless to me. I was no longer dependent on him to know who I was. Before I knew it, I was in a different world from him and was able to gather the courage and strength to get my children and I out of that toxic situation.
My life took on a different quality from then on. I reconnected with God and began communicating more with my angels and guides. I saw, heard and felt things that other people didn’t and began researching why. I started to make new friends who understood and supported me and my spiritual growth. I still faced some challenges such as financial hardships but my new-found spiritual growth taught me to have faith that all would work out okay. And it did. I also learned I could create what I wanted for my life. I made lists for 3 of my heart’s desires. Each list was specific for what I wanted in that heart’s desire. They were written from the heart and from what would bring me joy. The first list was for my ultimate relationship, the second for my home, and the third for my finances. I remember one item on my list for my financial heart’s desire was to be able to give a monetary or material gift to another who was in the same position as I was at that time. My financial resources were very limited as I had been laid off from my job and had returned to school for a career in the healing arts that better suited me. What little I had I was receiving from the state by way of food assistance and healthcare. To think I could ever get out from under was a big dream to me at that time, but I kept my faith and allowed my heart to guide me. And sure enough, I made it through.
This brings me to where I am now, about 8 years later from when I made those lists. I have the ultimate relationship, the home of my dreams, and my finances have improved. So when I received an email from a dear friend about an opportunity to give to those in need, I responded right away with a donation. Being Christmas, I was struggling a bit financially, but I knew I had enough to make a small contribution. Besides, I truly wanted to give from my heart. As it turns out, I discovered the person who received my donation was a mother of two who had just left her abusive marriage and lost her job. She had no resources to buy Christmas gifts for her two children. My donation had been used by my friend to buy the perfect age-appropriate gifts for her two children. I ended up giving to another who was in the same position as me 8 years ago!
This helped me realize just how far I’ve come since those days. Sure, there are some things on my list that are still waiting to come true but I am at peace with Divine timing. In the meantime, I celebrate all that have come true! Especially all that is filled with so much love. This holiday season I’m reflecting on how far I’ve come and feel the deepest gratitude for my wonderful partner and children, our beautiful home filled with love, joy, and peace, and the ability to provide food and shelter for my family. It’s easy for many people to get caught up in what they lack, especially around gift giving time. Yet, if they can turn their focus onto what they do have right now and see how it may be more than another, then maybe they too can share from the heart.
