In my own personal journey, I’ve always had a deep desire to be connected – to God, the Divine, the earth, and people. Feeling connected has always been soothing and comforting to me, as I know it is for many others whom I help. Yet, we must be vigilant that this desire for a connection doesn’t turn into a dependency. Once it does, it becomes a paradox in which we actually become lost and feel disconnected because we forget who we really are.

I’ve found that this happens most often in people who have a hard time staying happy while with their loved ones. This occurs when their loved ones aren’t as happy as they are. At this point there is an unconscious tendency to no longer stay happy because they are afraid of losing the connection with their loved one. This fear generates dependency. Ask yourself, am I afraid of losing my connection with this person? What do I think or believe will happen if I do lose my connection with them? Be honest in your assessment.

You may believe losing a connection means you will lose this person or that the relationship will end. This isn’t necessarily so. Losing the connection with the other person is simply a temporary differentiation of vibrational “spheres”. Temporary can mean a day or it could be a much longer length of time. You can still be happy while they take their time to raise their vibration to meet yours. And by staying in your vibrational “sphere” of joy, you have broken the chains of dependency and are free. And when we have done that, we reconnect with our authentic selves – who we really are. For we really are Free and Joyful Divine Spiritual Beings in a human body.

It’s important to understand that when we summon the courage within and stay in our joy, we actually create the opportunity for our loved one to raise their vibration to meet ours. They may appear to resent our joyful state of being, but really they are observing us – watching curiously and slowly becoming open to discovering joy within themselves.

To sum it up, when we are joyful, but become fearful of losing a connection to a loved one, our fear of loss may generate dependency. This dependency stops our flow of joy and makes us forget who we really are. We then actually lose feeling of all connection and become untrue to ourselves. So, instead let’s face our fear of loss and be courageous enough to stand alone in our happiness while inviting our loved ones to meet us where we are. It’s really a win-win for everyone!

This is a story about my evolution. I once was insecure and often looked to others – especially those men I was in a relationship with – to affirm my value. I was dependent on others to help me know myself. I took everything they did personally and I believed their behaviors were a reflection of me. So I married the person who was the perfect teacher for me. One who would help me break this pattern and learn to find out who I really was – an alcoholic and an emotional abuser. My marriage was tough, there were many times I was so low because everything he did and said just confirmed my unworthiness and lack of value.

After some years, I became determined to receive positive responses instead of the negative ones from my husband. Feeling the need to have him affirm my value and worth, I believed that if I looked better, he would be happier with me and therefore nice to me. So I began to exercise and care for my body better than I had been. What started to happen was that I felt really good about how I looked and I gained some self-confidence. I started not to care what my husband thought or how he behaved towards me. But I did notice more and more just how he was treating himself and just how toxic living with him was. Eventually, he became meaningless to me. I was no longer dependent on him to know who I was. Before I knew it, I was in a different world from him and was able to gather the courage and strength to get my children and I out of that toxic situation.

My life took on a different quality from then on. I reconnected with God and began communicating more with my angels and guides. I saw, heard and felt things that other people didn’t and began researching why. I started to make new friends who understood and supported me and my spiritual growth. I still faced some challenges such as financial hardships but my new-found spiritual growth taught me to have faith that all would work out okay. And it did. I also learned I could create what I wanted for my life. I made lists for 3 of my heart’s desires. Each list was specific for what I wanted in that heart’s desire. They were written from the heart and from what would bring me joy. The first list was for my ultimate relationship, the second for my home, and the third for my finances. I remember one item on my list for my financial heart’s desire was to be able to give a monetary or material gift to another who was in the same position as I was at that time. My financial resources were very limited as I had been laid off from my job and had returned to school for a career in the healing arts that better suited me. What little I had I was receiving from the state by way of food assistance and healthcare. To think I could ever get out from under was a big dream to me at that time, but I kept my faith and allowed my heart to guide me. And sure enough, I made it through.

This brings me to where I am now, about 8 years later from when I made those lists. I have the ultimate relationship, the home of my dreams, and my finances have improved. So when I received an email from a dear friend about an opportunity to give to those in need, I responded right away with a donation. Being Christmas, I was struggling a bit financially, but I knew I had enough to make a small contribution. Besides, I truly wanted to give from my heart. As it turns out, I discovered the person who received my donation was a mother of two who had just left her abusive marriage and lost her job. She had no resources to buy Christmas gifts for her two children. My donation had been used by my friend to buy the perfect age-appropriate gifts for her two children. I ended up giving to another who was in the same position as me 8 years ago!

This helped me realize just how far I’ve come since those days. Sure, there are some things on my list that are still waiting to come true but I am at peace with Divine timing. In the meantime, I celebrate all that have come true! Especially all that is filled with so much love. This holiday season I’m reflecting on how far I’ve come and feel the deepest gratitude for my wonderful partner and children, our beautiful home filled with love, joy, and peace, and the ability to provide food and shelter for my family. It’s easy for many people to get caught up in what they lack, especially around gift giving time. Yet, if they can turn their focus onto what they do have right now and see how it may be more than another, then maybe they too can share from the heart.

We can’t control what happens around us in our lives. There will always be some sort of fearful or negative situation we will be exposed to. We can attempt to remove the fear and negativity, but we can’t always control our exposure to negative situations and circumstances. However, what we can control is what we allow into our sacred space. One way this can be done is through the thoughts we chose to have.

Many people may be unaware they even have a choice in the thoughts they have, but they really do. A second before you have a thought, you unconsciously choose to have it. By recognizing a choice exists, you are better able to know your power and therefore use it to support you in a loving and nurturing way. You can use your power by staying focused on not allowing fearful and unsupportive thoughts to disrupt your sacred space and instead chose to keep your sacred space filled with self-love.

Each individual has energetic layers to their being. The physical layer (our body) is visible to us, however the next 3 layers are not. Those would be the emotional, mental, and spiritual layers. Imagine each of your layers as filled with holy white light. This is your sacred space. Now, imagine letting in fearful and negative thoughts into this space – it doesn’t feel good, does it? Now instead, imagine keeping your space filled with the love you have for it. When you love your sacred space, you nurture and care for it – which in turn nurtures and cares for you. This is all a reflection of self-love.

The more you love, nurture, and care for your sacred space, the easier it is to have supportive thoughts as opposed to destructive ones. You will still need to monitor your thoughts but you will find it easy to do so. You’ll be able to view negative external situations and circumstances from a much higher perspective without allowing them to lower your vibration. Remember that you are in charge and have the power to train your mind so that only thoughts that support you may enter your holy home.

We have much learning, healing, and growth occurring along our path in this life. By loving and nurturing our sacred space, our journey becomes more graceful and joyful for us. Honor, value, and respect your sacred space and you do the same for yourself. This is the way to self-love. This is our true home.

Being authentic means being truthful and real with yourself and everyone around you. It’s being completely honest and then acting upon that honesty. There is no hiding what’s real and true for you – it’s all out in the open for the world to see. Yet, this isn’t easy to accomplish when you are conditioned to listen to and follow your ego. Your ego generates fear and doubt and often convinces you that it’s far better to hide behind a mask than to be real. When this happens, you end up striving and struggling through life instead of stepping into a flow of grace and ease.

I discovered my authentic self long ago when I was struggling to make my marriage work and was reminded again years later when I was struggling to become successful in my business. The first time around, I didn’t understand what the significance of being authentic was. However, I did have strong feelings and beliefs that led me to act upon the truth in my heart – which was my marriage was over and it was time to move on. Once I acted upon my truth, I began to understand the profound effect being authentic had. Everything began to flow easily and gracefully for me. The ending of my marriage and the new beginning in my life was happening quickly and in ways that benefitted me, my children, and virtually all aspects of my life. I didn’t have to try so hard – it all just fell into place.

The next time I was reminded to be my authentic self was when I was struggling to make my business work. I already understood the concept of being authentic and thought I was doing that. I knew that everything should flow much easier than it was and that there should be more synchronic events coming my way. However, this wasn’t quite happening as I felt it should. I just couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong and searched within for answers. Then I became aware of the problem. I realized I was afraid of not doing it “right” and so I followed this fear by doing what I thought potential clients wanted instead of just doing what was real and true for me. I wasn’t being fully authentic.

I dropped this mask of fear and began revealing my truth. I acted upon what felt real for me instead of what I thought others wanted from me. Soon, I began to gather more clients and make great friends. The flow I had been searching for had come once again.

When struggling in life, decide to be your authentic self. Drop your mask of fear and follow the truth in your heart. Stop listening to your ego and start paying attention to your gut feelings. Get grounded in what feels real and true for you instead of following your ego. You’ll be amazed at how easy life becomes.

If you need help to step into a life of ease and grace, I offer assistance through a few of my services. I offer personal mentoring in which I can assist you through a combination of intuitive counseling and remote energetic healing. I also offer remote energetic alignment healing sessions and will be facilitating alignment with your authentic self through my upcoming workshop in 2012. For more information on these services please visit http://www.passagetoinnerjoy.com/services.htm.

Your goal can range from the material to the spiritual. It may be to heal from pain, follow your heart, have a wonderful new relationship, or have financial security. It really doesn’t matter what type of goal or dream you have, the inner gremlin will counter it just when you are ready to make progress. I’ve witnessed it many times in my own life and especially with my clients. Just when they are ready to break out of an old pattern, they stop doing inner work and allow themselves to feel like a victim again.

The best way to deal with this inner gremlin is to neutralize its effect on you. Ignoring it or pretending it doesn’t exist won’t help. Here are 3 steps to neutralize your inner gremlin:

Step 1: Admit you’re afraid. The reason the gremlin comes up in the first place is because you have fear. There is something new you are about to embark upon and while that is exciting it can also be scary. If you can, identify what your fear is. If you aren’t sure, ask yourself, “If I wasn’t afraid I would ______”. By identifying what you would be doing if you weren’t afraid, you simultaneously become aware of what it is you are afraid of. Sometimes it takes a few tries to answer this question before you get the answer that hits home. Just continue asking yourself this question until you do. It’s good to know what is holding you back from entering this new territory. When you recognize what you are afraid of, have compassion for yourself and then choose not to let it hold you back any longer. Then move to the next step.

Step 2: See your gremlin as a separate being that is trying to protect you from getting hurt in some way. Your inner gremlin emerges to keep you safe. Acknowledge that you don’t need this kind of safety any longer as it prevents you from something greater in your life. By listening to and following your inner gremlin, you feel safe only temporarily. Eventually you’ll long for your goals and dreams once again, begin to move forward again, and stop once again when this gremlin emerges. You’ll remain stuck in this cycle until you finally break through by acknowledging that you can no longer follow your inner gremlin’s thoughts and beliefs and you will instead create thoughts and beliefs that support you. This is done in the next step.

Step 3: Create positive affirmations that support you. Write as many as you can down and choose 3 that really resonate with you. Repeat those affirmations at least 3 times per day. When you say these affirmations, you are giving yourself the love and support you need to move forward. Allow yourself to feel excited, too. Excitement is a powerful booster and when you let it flow, it will carry you easily to your much desired goal. Beware that your inner gremlin may emerge as it doesn’t want you to feel excited since it’s trying to protect you from feeling disappointed. If you need to, repeat these 3 steps.

Whether it’s inner work your doing on yourself such as releasing old patterns that no longer serve you or something external such as having the ultimate relationship, pay attention to when your inner gremlin emerges to stop you in your tracks. Then try these steps which I have found work great in breaking through the barrier to success in reaching your goal or dream. When you do, remember to get excited! Your inner gremlin’s emergence is a sign you’re almost there!

I love it when people make their well-being and happiness a priority. These people love, honor, value, and respect themselves enough to do so, which means they are able to give the same to others in return. By making themselves a priority in this manner, they are in alignment with God’s intention for us. Please note, in this article, I will be using the term Source to mean God’s intention for us.

God always wants us to be well and happy. However, God can’t do that for us, only with us. We must be willing to align with what is true in Source in order for our lives to flow effortlessly and synchronistically. What is true in Source is the same as what is true in our hearts – whether we realize it or not. Often we don’t even know what is true in our hearts unless we really are honest with ourselves. When we are honest with what is true for us and have the integrity to take action on it, we are in alignment with what is true in Source. From this place, we are better equipped to help others. We have the wisdom, energy, and tools necessary to support and assist those around us. We can only teach by example.

Just as God can’t make us happy without your participation, neither can you do that for others. You can love, help and support them but that can only take them so far. They have to be willing to make their own well-being and happiness a priority, too. They will never learn why they should or how they can if you’re not doing that for yourself.

I’m reminded of the in-flight airline safety video you see when you embark on the plane. When the oxygen masks are released in an emergency, the parent or guardian of a child must put theirs on first, so they will be healthy enough to put the child’s on and care for them. Is this selfish? If we aren’t happy or well, how are we able to properly care for our children and loved ones? What kind of example are we setting for them?

Making your happiness a priority is never harmful nor is it done at the expense of another’s happiness – in fact, it can ONLY help another to become even happier! You may not know how it’s going to help them at first, but I assure you this truth will reveal itself at some point along the way. This process is simply how it works in Source. And only Source is real. Any fear or belief that making your happiness a priority will somehow hurt another is false. And by going against what is true in Source, you are going against what is so in your heart – the truth of what is real for you. So make your well-being and happiness a priority – you’ve got everything to gain and nothing to lose.

If you are aware of the negative beliefs you hold, they are already in your conscious mind. From there, you can easily let them go through such practices as setting the intention and meditation. However, there may be some negative beliefs that remain in your unconscious and subconscious mind which you may not know exist. Fortunately, with help, they can be brought into your awareness.

We carry beliefs from both past and present lives. We can either be given these beliefs by people we trusted or developed them ourselves in response to certain experiences. For instance, one may believe it’s a struggle to make money based on their parents’ struggle. They may also believe that love hurts based on their experiences with love relationships. These beliefs can run fairly deep and will stop us in our tracks if we don’t clear them.

Clearing beliefs takes time. Each time we take a step forward towards fulfillment, we must examine our belief system. What are some of the beliefs you know of that are counter-productive to your success? Write them down, then release them by setting the intention and allow and accept new beliefs that are in alignment with your heart’s desire. Also, I highly recommend you seek help and support to uncover any hidden beliefs in your unconscious and subconscious mind. Ask for help in releasing and aligning them as well.

I have found that clearing beliefs is essential to our fulfillment, joy, and well-being. Just for today, take a look at one of your experiences and try to notice what beliefs you hold that have created it. If you can’t come up with an answer, don’t worry as help is always available from counselors, healers, and of course the Divine. Otherwise, meditate on it. Allow the answers to slowly and gradually come up into your awareness. It takes practice to do this but I assure you it is well worth the effort. Your life can dramatically change for the better!

We benefit in so many ways when we do this. Not only do we receive the answer to our prayers, but when we pray we benefit from the experience of surrendering our problems and we benefit from restoring our faith that we can be supported by the Divine. There is a great feeling of relief that first comes from surrendering, followed by a feeling that we are, in fact, being supported right in that moment. When we pray, we know there is someone listening with love and comfort. This raises our faith which is what we need in that moment. To me, those feelings can be even more rewarding than having the actual outcome we ask for.

When we pray our heart naturally filters our requests and sends out only what is pure and authentic. For example, we may pray to have a love relationship with a particular person but our heart knows that what we really want is a higher love – not that one person. Or we may pray to win the lottery but our heart knows we just really want financial support or stability. Having that particular person or winning the lottery in this case are needs and desires of the ego. The Divine does not hear the ego’s needs and desires as they are not pure and authentic, the Divine only hears our spirit and our heart’s requests.

I’ve had many prayers answered in my lifetime – particularly in the last 10 years when I have been much more conscious and aware of the Divine’s presence in my life. I’ve had prayers answered for protection for me and my children both during moments when we were directly confronted with danger and had received protection when I wasn’t even aware that danger was around us. I’ve had prayers answered for the right friends, classes, jobs, events, and even emergency money. I’ve had big prayers answered in meeting the love of my life and small prayers answered like needing a quick moving grocery line because I was running late. God, the angels, and guides don’t judge our requests.

There are no rules about prayer although I have a few suggestions. One is that you pray in a special area – a space where you will be uninterrupted and feel comfortable in. If you have a designated sacred space or altar that is great but not necessary. Two is that you become aware that your heart will filter out what is not pure and authentic – that would be the ego and be honest with yourself about what you desire. Three is that you pray from your heart and with gratitude that you’re being heard, loved, and provided for. When you do this you connect with the Divine from your spirit, not from your ego.

Sometimes your prayers will be answered in unexpected ways, so it’s important to focus and pay attention. Answered prayers may come in steps, also. Even though the outcome may not appear immediately, you may be given steps to take to get to that outcome. This happened for me when I prayed for the love of my life. I first became laid off from my job, then went back to school, then met a friend through my practice, who then introduced me to the love of my life. So you see, you may have no way of seeing how each step will lead you to the outcome – but it does!

So when you are tired and feel like you’re struggling, let go and let God! Simply turn it over with prayer and ask for what you need or desire. Do it from your heart and your spirit and you will feel all the love and support from the Divine that is available to you. Then release your request to the Divine and remain in faith that it will be answered. Pay attention to your inner guidance and the subtle signs, and watch your answered prayers unfold!

****I have created a group on Face book called “Answered Prayers”. In this group we post our experiences in which our prayers were answered which creates a positive energy shift for others who read them. If you’d like to join and read these posts, please friend me on Face book and post your request to be added to the group.

One way in which we neglect to maintain healthy boundaries is in being a people-pleaser. When we go out of our way to make sure another is happy to the detriment of our own happiness, our boundaries become non-existent. By doing this, we convey to the other person that we are unimportant. We also convey to them that we are responsible for their happiness so they don’t have to do anything about it for themselves. We take away their personal power to do something beneficial for themselves. In this context, it’s clear to see that neither person benefits.

Another way in which we neglect to maintain healthy boundaries is in seeking approval. This is similar to being a people-pleaser. When we seek approval, we invite other peoples’ opinions, agendas, and fears to rule our decision making. We “shop” for agreement and acceptance which binds us. We invite them into our space and then give away our power. We end up disrespecting ourselves in the process. When we disrespect ourselves, we can’t receive the respect from others that we deserve. Again, by doing this our boundaries become non-existent.

Fear is usually a big factor in why we don’t have healthy boundaries. Both people-pleasing and seeking approval stem from fear but sometimes people in our lives use the power of fear to keep us from establishing and maintaining boundaries. There are people who are so fueled by their own fear and ego, that they will use the power of fear to keep us under control. These people don’t want us to have boundaries because that would mean they would no longer be in charge. So they threaten us into not setting and upholding our personal boundaries. When we live in this kind of fear, we can’t uphold even the smallest of limits. Yet, without limits we are damaging ourselves even more. If we can simply set the intention to have healthy boundaries, we open up the door to those who will support and protect us in the process.

Lack of boundaries injures our self-esteem, sense of self-worth, and our spirit. We begin to believe that we aren’t worthy or important because all the importance is given away to someone else. We render ourselves powerless and disrespectful. Personal goals and heart’s desires are denied and forgotten. However, the damage that is done from not setting and upholding healthy boundaries is reversible with the right counseling and healing.

Healthy boundaries have a positive effect on all our relationships. Committed partnerships, parent-child, and business partnerships all benefit from having healthy boundaries as do friendships, sibling, and other family relationships. Everyone benefits from healthy boundaries – especially us! We feel safe, secure, respected, and loved. We set a good example for our children and others to follow. Most of all we are free to be happy and joyful without distractions! To me that’s the best of all!

My guardian angels play such a significant role in my life starting from that moment forward. I prayed to them often by asking for protection from harm as I was breaking free from my abusive marriage and for help and guidance as I moved towards my heart’s desire. I was learning how to fly and my guardian angels were my loving teachers. They wanted me to succeed (and still do) in being joyful and free.

Our guardian angels are with us constantly. They love it when we ask them for help and can only intervene when we do. They love it even more when we use that help towards that which makes our spirit light and our hearts sing. When we focus on our heart’s desire, we can feel an even stronger presence of our guardian angels. That is because when we are joyful our vibrations match our guardian angels’ vibration. When we are focused in fear and darkness, we can’t always feel them as strong because our vibrations are lower. Yet they are with us none-the-less.

It’s comforting to know we have them by our side whenever we need them. But it’s feeling their presence that is most enjoyable. I just love it when I am surrounded by them and can feel their wonderful energy! It returns me to my happy inner child and simultaneously helps me to feel courageous and determined in moving towards my heart’s desires. That’s what learning how to fly is all about.

If you want to learn how to fly remember to ask your guardian angels for help. They can’t intervene unless you ask. Remember that your guardian angels love you and want you to be joyful and free as a bird. Communicate and work with them often. If you don’t know how, I strongly suggest you connect with an experienced teacher. The results are well worth it. You will be amazed at the joy you feel by their presence and at the magic and miracles they perform!